It’s probably a good job the story about a theft of assorted out of date meat products such as gammon, sausages, turkey, bacon, pork chops and beef from an industrial freezer earlier this week  wasn’t in my patch, as you wouldn’t have been able to separate news from pun .
But then there are some stories that just crying out to be punned, and the 2 of us in the newsroom did ourselves proud.
Whether my colleague who covers that patch was as enamored with our efforts as we were is a matter of contention, so read and judge for yourself :
- Burger-lers didn’t make a ham fisted job of it.
- Thieves may have thought they were bringing home the bacon, but it was really mutton dressed as lamb.
- Police are now steaking the area out.
- If the criminals are caught, they’ll be for the chop.
- Police hunting for the stolen turkey have nothing but a wing and a prayer but officers are keeping abreast of the situation.
- Let’s hope police don’t make a pigs ear of finding the goods.
- The owners say they’ve got no beef with the criminals.
- Police are making a meal of the investigation.
- The frying squad have been called in.
- Police have opened a file on the case. They’re now looking for some stuffing to fillet.
- It was a joint operation.
- Police have their baste man on the job.
- Police don’t expect the answers to come to them on a plate.
- Police plan to give suspects a good grilling.
- It’s a medium rare crime for the area.
 I can’t find a link anywhere on the web to this, which just goes to show exactly *how* local it was.
 If, indeed, it’s possible to do such a thing. Discuss.
 If you haven’t guessed, I’m stupidly busy at the moment, hence even more utter drivel than usual.