Nice to meat you

It’s probably a good job the story about a theft of assorted out of date meat products such as gammon, sausages, turkey, bacon, pork chops and beef from an industrial freezer earlier this week [1] wasn’t in my patch, as you wouldn’t have been able to separate news from pun [1].

But then there are some stories that just crying out to be punned, and the 2 of us in the newsroom did ourselves proud.

Whether my colleague who covers that patch was as enamored with our efforts as we were is a matter of contention, so read and judge for yourself [3]:

  • Burger-lers didn’t make a ham fisted job of it.
  • Thieves may have thought they were bringing home the bacon, but it was really mutton dressed as lamb.
  • Police are now steaking the area out.
  • If the criminals are caught, they’ll be for the chop.
  • Police hunting for the stolen turkey have nothing but a wing and a prayer but officers are keeping abreast of the situation.
  • Let’s hope police don’t make a pigs ear of finding the goods.
  • The owners say they’ve got no beef with the criminals.
  • Police are making a meal of the investigation.
  • The frying squad have been called in.
  • Police have opened a file on the case. They’re now looking for some stuffing to fillet.
  • It was a joint operation.
  • Police have their baste man on the job.
  • Police don’t expect the answers to come to them on a plate.
  • Police plan to give suspects a good grilling.
  • It’s a medium rare crime for the area.

[1] I can’t find a link anywhere on the web to this, which just goes to show exactly *how* local it was. 

[2] If, indeed, it’s possible to do such a thing. Discuss.

[3] If you haven’t guessed, I’m stupidly busy at the moment, hence even more utter drivel than usual.

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