McClaren does metaphysics

Regardless of whether Safe-Choice Steve McClaren actually uttered the (possibly) immortal lines of ‘We must fear the unthinkable’, the Guardian headline raises the amusing and interesting possibility that the England coach has decided a quick course is epistemology, deontology and existentialism are just what’s required to beat Croatia. Admirable though this may be, it’s enough of a job to convey to Joe Cole there are 22 men, himself included, on the pitch at any given time, a further ten of which (not including himself) are on the same team.

Still, should the experiment be successful I’m fully looking forward to Rio’s World Cup Wind-Ups being replaced by Rio’s Euro Existentialism where the Manchester United centre-half is joined by Alain de Botton, Merlyn Bragg and Richard Dawkins to discuss the place of Satre, Kirkegaard, and Heidegger in relation to the 4-2-3-1 formation.

Meanwhile, David Beckham would be a prime candidate for bringing Wittgenstein and Russell’s Principia Mathematica to a whole new audience, while Steve Gerrard’s response of: “Advanced striking role just behind Peter Crouch? I think not,” sees him disappear in a puff of logic.

The only explanation I can think of is McClaren is softening the England boys up ahead of the appointment of The World’s Most Intelligent Footballer The Guardian Reading Graeme Le Saux to the coaching stuff. Imagine the potential for a spin-off politics theory as Guardian Reading Graeme debates Marxism and Thatcherism with self-confessed True Blue, Frank Lampard. Granted, he’s incapable of worrying the Austrian midfield, but Frank could certainly cause problems for around the ballot box.

Coming soon to MTV – Pimp My Library: The Footballers’ Edition.


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