McClaren’s excuse list, as handed to the FA post-match last night

1. It was all Sven’s fault, and I’ve been working tirelessly since to correct the mistakes. The England team is currently not fit for purpose (Copied from every Labour government statement circa. 1997. Substitute Sven for Conservatives.)

2. The grass was cut the wrong way, and was greener on the other side.

3. The dog ate my team sheet.

4. Paul Robinson.

5. My budget wouldn’t stretch to extra cotton wool for Michael Owen.

6. It’s all Jamie Carragher’s fault. If he hadn’t retired, we’d have had an experienced central defence.

7. It’s all Paul Scholes’ fault. If he hadn’t retired, we’d have had a goal-scoring midfielder.

8. It’s all Kevin Keegan’s fault. If he hadn’t resigned, I wouldn’t have been statistically the worst England manager ever.

9. It’s all Martin Jol’s fault for buying up English centre forwards, then never playing them.

10. Oh, look, the Virgin Mary.

If I had a bit more time, I’d write a bit more. But I don’t, so I won’t. Expect for one small point. Why are several media outlets continuing to tout Arsene Wenger as a potential candidate. I’ve lost track of the number of times he’s gone on record to say he doesn’t care much for international football, thinks an Englishman should coach the English team, and doesn’t want the job.

Also, Germany 0 Wales 0. Now that’s a result I’m happy about. Actually, if Wales don’t lose, I’m generally happy these days.

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