Yo, diggy, dem, darn, get down wit da kids. Or something.

Is Noel Gallagher in danger of turning into Bob Geldof? His latest rant about Jay-Z playing Glastonbury has a whiff of the ex-Boomtown Rats frontman about it; pick a target, find a way of complaining that you’re old and things were better back in your day while simultaneously carrying off the appearance of speaking for the common man and being culturally relevant. The latter is something Oasis haven’t been for the past decade [1].

Not that Jay-Z is an immediately obvious choice for a Glastonbury headliner. Despite his global fame, success, and talent, he’s probably still not on everybody’s radar over here. Would there be the same discussion is, say, it was Kayne West?

Still, Glasto’s renowned for taking risks. Kylie. Rolf Harris. There’s no reason why Mr. Z can’t wow the crowds as well. Hip hop can and shout be done at Glastonbury, if it’s done well. Given the amount of dreary guitar bands than usually populate the bill, you’d think having somebody a bit different would be a breath of fresh air. Eminem? Beastie Boys? Public Enemy? Outkast? Aye, they’d be passable, and I’m not even that fond of hip-hop. Give me noodling electronica or gloomy singer-songwriters anyday.

Perhaps the underwhelming fellow headliners (Kings of Leon: good, but not headline material; The Verve: ok, I’ll give you that one) haven’t helped. And the mud. And festival fatigue.

Not that I’m going, mind. Camping, mud, and large crowds of people pretending to be cattle for three days all sit high on the list entitled ‘my personal hell’ [2]. Add Linda Barker as the compare, Ben Affleck as the man providing the entertainment, women with clipboards wandering around the site, and relocate the whole thing to Plymouth and you’ve just created all seven of Dante’s circles of hell. Specifically designed for one Mr. G. Andrews.

[1] Oh, ok, he’s turned out a couple of decent songs in that time. And also some complete dross. Can you name any songs from Standing on the Shoulders of Giants?

[2] Although if Jay-Z announced he was going to get Dangermouse up on stage and do the entire Grey Album mashup live, I may just be tempted. Possibly. I really don’t like mud, camping or people much.


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Yes, this is my name. And my email. Use it wisely or you're not getting a biscuit with your tea: garyllewellynandrews [at] gmail [dot] com

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